1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,460 Visita Mikael Books en Facebook para ver más contenido de libros en inglés. 2 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:09,440 Unit 21. Page 352. Read. 3 00:00:11,220 --> 00:00:13,920 Understanding misunderstandings. 4 00:00:14,780 --> 00:00:17,200 Hello, everyone. I'm Anne Ness. 5 00:00:17,700 --> 00:00:22,780 Please welcome today's guest, communication expert Ellen Sands. 6 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:24,640 Thanks for having me. 7 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:30,560 You know, Anne, I think we're seeing a lot more verbal conflict these days than in the past. 8 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:35,840 There seems to be a lot more rancor and a lot less civility. 9 00:00:36,820 --> 00:00:42,120 Today I want to talk about ways to avoid verbal conflict, or at least minimize it. 10 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,660 Sounds good, Ellen. Tell us more. 11 00:00:45,500 --> 00:00:45,960 All right. 12 00:00:46,740 --> 00:00:50,800 First, people need to listen actively to each other. 13 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:54,600 We hear things, but often we don't realize. 14 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:59,380 A couple of weeks ago, I was at a restaurant in Los Angeles, 15 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:04,060 sitting near an Indian couple being served by an American waitress. 16 00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:08,800 The service was slow, and the couple seemed distressed. 17 00:01:09,660 --> 00:01:13,300 When the waitress brought the check, the man said, 18 00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,380 The bill seems very high. 19 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,920 Did you include the service in it? 20 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,640 How much is the service? 21 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:21,420 The waitress said, 22 00:01:22,140 --> 00:01:23,600 You have to pay the tax. 23 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:25,500 The man said, 24 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:28,060 The service was very slow. 25 00:01:29,020 --> 00:01:31,720 We have never waited so long to be served. 26 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:35,940 We will pay the bill, but we won't pay for service. 27 00:01:36,860 --> 00:01:38,500 Then they left angrily. 28 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:43,120 The waitress just glared at them and didn't say anything. 29 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:49,720 It wasn't a good situation, mainly because the waitress didn't listen actively. 30 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,200 Let me see if I understand. 31 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,480 When the waitress brought the check, the man said, 32 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:56,480 When the waitress brought the check, the man said, 33 00:01:56,480 --> 00:01:58,480 The bill seemed very high. 34 00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,660 He asked how much the service was. 35 00:02:02,380 --> 00:02:05,100 The waitress said they had to pay the tax. 36 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:09,080 The man said the service had been very slow, 37 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:12,680 and they had never waited so long to be served. 38 00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:17,940 He said they would pay the bill, but they wouldn't pay for service. 39 00:02:18,620 --> 00:02:21,100 Now, what did the waitress do wrong? 40 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:23,820 She didn't listen carefully. 41 00:02:24,480 --> 00:02:28,900 The man asked if she had included the service in the bill. 42 00:02:29,700 --> 00:02:32,800 Unfortunately, she never answered his question. 43 00:02:33,580 --> 00:02:36,180 That was the key thing he wanted to know. 44 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:39,060 Did she do anything else wrong? 45 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:43,120 She didn't address his concern about the slow service. 46 00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:45,460 She could have said something like, 47 00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:49,060 Yes, I'm really sorry about the service. 48 00:02:49,540 --> 00:02:51,140 We're shorthanded today. 49 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:52,760 Very interesting. 50 00:02:53,580 --> 00:02:54,460 Now, what did the waitress say? 51 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:57,440 What's another way to avoid verbal conflict? 52 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:03,980 Another really good strategy is to state things positively instead of negatively. 53 00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:09,460 Recently, I was sitting in as a consultant at a school board meeting. 54 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:15,100 Right at the start, the chair gave instructions in an arbitrary way. 55 00:03:15,940 --> 00:03:17,400 We're on a very tight schedule. 56 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:18,780 Make your reports brief. 57 00:03:19,260 --> 00:03:21,820 No one will be allowed to take more than three minutes, 58 00:03:21,980 --> 00:03:24,460 and no one will be allowed to interrupt the person. 59 00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:26,780 No one will ask any questions. 60 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,500 It wasn't a good meeting. 61 00:03:30,060 --> 00:03:32,840 You could have cut the silence with a knife. 62 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,340 How could the chair have done better? 63 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,920 He told them to make their reports brief, 64 00:03:39,340 --> 00:03:43,360 but he could have asked them to try to limit their reports to three minutes. 65 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:48,000 He said no one would be allowed to interrupt the person who was speaking. 66 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:52,080 He also said no one would ask any questions. 67 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,360 He had a rigid manner, 68 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,940 spoke with a self-righteous tone, 69 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:02,380 and basically treated the attendees like schoolchildren instead of like adults. 70 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:07,060 That's a good way to inhibit any kind of productive discussion. 71 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:11,940 He could have asked them to hold their questions for the duration of the speeches. 72 00:04:12,900 --> 00:04:14,380 The bottom line is this. 73 00:04:15,020 --> 00:04:17,420 You don't have to sugarcoat your statements, 74 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:22,560 but people will respond much better if you put a positive spin on things. 75 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:23,840 All right. 76 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:24,880 Thanks, Ellen. 77 00:04:25,460 --> 00:04:28,540 We'll be back shortly after this commercial break.